May 15 2013

Letting Go

Posted on May 15, 2013 by Halina

First my apologies for having been absent for such a long time.

I needed this break and I have been thinking a lot (so be prepared…;) ).

When I started this Blog a bit over a year ago one of my intentions was to earn some money with it. I wasn’t sure how but I knew it was possible because so many other people do it all over the web.

So I started blogging and reading, and writing and reading some more. I learned a lot along the way.

Now I know many ways to earn money with a blog (for example by having sponsors or by selling e-books, e-courses and other products that you create). I learned how to record a guided imagery, how to set up an e-mail subscriber list, how to have a self-hosted website with my own domain, how to use various social media sites and many other things.

I enjoyed all of it. But I didn’t like the pressure I put myself under while I was doing it.

I’ve been writing about our life in the country side, how to embrace the wonders of everyday life, how to live slow and in connection with nature but something felt wrong.

Inside I felt restless. “How can I earn money with this?” was a constant background chatter in my mind. “What is it that I can give to the world? Tell me, tell me! How can I earn money?”

I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to earn money but I suddenly realized that it’s not the time for that right now.

I want to slow down. I want to actually live the life that I praise in my posts.

Raising children is a huge task, and more challenging than many full-time jobs. But for some strange reason it’s often not recognized as such. Not even by mothers who are doing it. I felt like I needed to earn money in order to gain self-worth.

Being “only” a mother who looks after house and kids was one of my horror scenarios when I was younger. Before we had children Martin and I always talked about equality and how we wanted to share work, household and raising children.

I’m sure it’s possible for some people and maybe one day we will be able to live this old dream of equality. But right now we can’t. I want to stop being everywhere, doing everything at the same time (and actually getting nowhere with it).

Raising children, building a business, organizing and keeping a house (which is still not finished), growing a garden, maintaining friends and a happy relationship, dealing with old stuff from the past,…I’m actually glad I had a bit of a break down a few weeks ago because it made me realize what I was doing here.

For months I’ve felt that I wasn’t doing anything right anymore. I wasn’t getting anywhere with this blog (or so it felt) and I wasn’t a good mother either, nor a good friend nor anything.

So I will take a break from blogging until I find out what my next steps are.

Thank you so much for following, commenting and reading silently. I appreciate every single one of you and hope we’ll meet again soon.

Apr 20 2013

A Book About You

Posted on April 20, 2013 by Halina

Two weeks ago I came across Havi’s post The Book of You.

I like her idea of keeping a notebook on your own life. You are constantly bombarded with so much information and advice on how to live your life that it can be difficult to listen to your inner own voices; to find out what is right for YOU.

People (on the internet, in books, in “real life”) give advice about what has worked for THEM and sometimes it’s helpful. Other times it can just be confusing to hear all those opinions and “ways to do it right”. This is especially true for parenting I think.

In “The Book of You” you study yourself and your life and write down things that work for you and things that don’t. Your notes can be little reminders for yourself.

If I take half an hour for myself in the morning (running or writing) I’m a nicer person for the rest of the day.Doing the dishes and a quick tidy up at night makes for better mornings too!

I need to keep a notebook in the car because I always have the best ideas while driving.

When taking notes about yourself or your life try not to judge yourself in a negative way. You might write down “I can’t write morning pages. My brain doesn’t function in the morning.” but if writing is important to you there might be something like ” My best time to write is after a coffee while the kids are napping” or “at night when everyone is sleeping”.

Or if you don’t know you could make it a point of study: “I’m wondering at what time I’m most productive. I might try and write at 8pm every night for a few days.”

Observe your own behaviour over a couple of days. If it’s not your thing that’s grand. Just make a note and try something else. There is no wrong way to do something, or a wrong way to be.

If you want you could divide your notebook into different sections.

“Family”:

The evenings are a lot more relaxed if I make dinner for 5:30pm instead of waiting for M to come home from work (by then the children are too hungry, cranky, tired).

“Business”:

Does reading other people’s Blogs in the morning inspire or disturb my creativity for the day?

I really don’t like Facebook. Should I quit or keep going for another while?!

How about you? Have you ever thought of keeping a notebook like this or do you think it’s a narcissistic thing to do?

I will be gone from this space for the next ten days – we are going on a family adventure and I can’t wait to spend time as a family again which we have done way too little in the last few months.

I will be back here on the 1st of May! I wish you a beautiful week and a half, lots of good spring weather (or comfortable autumn days on the other side of the world!) and a happy time with YOUR families! Talk to you soon, dear friends!

Apr 17 2013

A Nature Walk in Spring

Posted on April 17, 2013 by Halina

We planted a little forest at the north end of our land. They are still young but steadily growing every year. I love to walk through “our woods” and imagine what it will be like in 10 years time.